The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
