It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
How external is "for external use only"?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
