My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
