If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
