You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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