dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
