Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
