Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
