Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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