omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
