Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Say something about gay babies.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
