just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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