Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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