dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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