i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
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In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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