Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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