Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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