my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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