He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i believe in u and ur pee
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
