If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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