I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
