so let's talk penis.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
