I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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