John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
