Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
