I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
