I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
