help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
