dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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