Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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