Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
