Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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