I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We don't watch enough power rangers
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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