you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
