i was born a porn star she said
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Let's paint friendship bongs
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
