a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
