I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
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This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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