i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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