pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's blow job season.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
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