Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize