Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
