she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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