So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
