we have officially lost it.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
