Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
