Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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