Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
