The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
