It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
