do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
