so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
