Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
