The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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