I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
