She said her name was "party"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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