How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
