If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
