then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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