Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
