Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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