What a fucking waste of an outfit
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
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So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
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You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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