Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
