Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
