Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
