I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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