Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
