i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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