I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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