If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
