Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
