I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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