I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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