My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
