im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
