I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
