The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
