$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize